Royal Nonesuch Humor Writing Contest


Sharpen your quills! Submissions for the 2017 ROYAL NONESUCH HUMOR WRITING CONTEST will be accepted from April 1 through June 30, 2017. Check the SUBMISSION GUIDELINES and send us your funniest stuff by clicking HERE!

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It is our great pleasure to (finally!) announce the winners of the 2016 Royal Nonesuch Humor Writing Contest! What a challenge it was to winnow the field of nearly 500 excellent entries down to just a few. Congratulations to the winners, listed below, whose essays are characterized by top-notch writing, engaging story-telling, originality, and, yes, humor. And congratulations to all who took time to enter their work. We hope to see you all back again next year! A special note of thanks to all of this year's entrants for their patience and goodwill during the delays in our judging process. You are all good sports, and we really appreciate it.


"If Mark Twain were alive, he'd be happy about this contest, because he'd win it." -Andy Borowitz

2016 winners:




2015 winners:


Winner: "Boobs" by Marina Mularz

First Runner-up: "The Efficiency Expert" by Graham Towers

Second Runner-up: "Oh, Here!" by April Kelly

Honorable Mentions (in last name alphabetical order):

"The Death Button" by Scott Carpenter

"Family Jeopardy" by Elisabeth Dahl

"And Starring God as Morgan Freeman" by Ben Greenfield


Winner: “The Hegemony of Bistlethwait” by Nate Jacobs

First Runner-Up: “Huck and Jim Encounter the Slim” by Elizabeth Kaliff

Second Runner-Up: “RAP-UNZEL” by Brooke Echternacht

Honorable Mentions (in last name alphabetical order):

“The Young Person’s Account of The Mugging or: I Too Want to Figure Out My Sexuality” by Andres Cordoba

“Apocalyptic Overcooked Potatoes” by Peter Schmit

“Mass Exodus of Conservatives Following Recent Supreme Court Decisions” by Jesse Zhou


2014 winners:


1st Place: Yaron Kaver, "And the Oscar Goes to Jail."

2nd Place: Melissa Fay Greene, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex But Couldn't Spell,"

3rd Place: Briana Haynie, "NORAD Murray Tracker."

Honorable Mentions: “Postcards from Shakespeare,” by Allison Williams, “Archangel Blues,” by Josh Dobbin, and “Hooked” by Alice Nguyen.


1st Place: Jane Song, "The PR Campaign"

2nd Place: Melanie York, "The Longest 3 Hours and 28 Minutes in History"

3rd Place: Solomon Martin, "Dragon vs. Mustache"

Honorable mentions: "The Price of Rug-Knitted Lies," by Charlotte York; 
"Escaping the Flood: A Detasseler's Nightmare," by Madeline Pauline Schmit; 
"Fifty Grades of Shay," by Peter Schmit.


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