Writing Programs

Royal Nonesuch Humor Writing Contest

Attention, Royal Nonesuchers!

Sharpen your quills! Submissions for the 2017 Royal Nonesuch Humor Writing Contest will be accepted from April 1 through June 30, 2017.

Send Us Your Funniest Stuff
  • "If Mark Twain were alive, he'd be happy about this contest, because he'd win it."

    — Andy Borowitz

2016 Winners

Adult Division

First prize | $1,000

Devil Child by Patricia Favreau-McKinley

Second prize | $500

Riding the Moon by Susan Daniels

Third prize | $250

God Does Not Love Me and Beyonce Equally by Kellie Wood

Honorable Mention | $100 Gift Certificate for the Mark Twain Store (listed in alphabetical order by author’s last name)

Steam Irons of Seoul by Robert Perchan
The Queen is Dead, Long Live the Queen by Patricia Staino
The Hustle by Amy West


Youth Division

First prize | $1,000

Vasco Da Gama’s Treasure by Elijah Rusk

Second prize | $500

The 100-Person Punishment by Charlotte York

Third prize | $250

How to Catch a Boyfriend by Jessica Powers

Honorable Mention | $100 Gift Certificate for the Mark Twain Store (listed in alphabetical order by author’s last name):

The Real Camping Experience by Daniel Brooks
The Forgotten Jump: A Day in the Life of an Equestrian Amnesiac by Elizabeth Chung
My Triceps by Henry Thomas

2015 Winners

Adult Division

Winner

“Boobs” by Marina Mularz

First Runner-up

“The Efficiency Expert” by Graham Towers

Second Runner-up

“Oh, Here!” by April Kelly

Honorable Mentions (in last name alphabetical order):

“The Death Button” by Scott Carpenter
“Family Jeopardy” by Elisabeth Dahl
“And Starring God as Morgan Freeman” by Ben Greenfield


Young Adult Division

Winner

“The Hegemony of Bistlethwait” by Nate Jacobs

First Runner-Up

“Huck and Jim Encounter the Slim” by Elizabeth Kaliff

Second Runner-Up

“RAP-UNZEL” by Brooke Echternacht

Honorable Mentions (in last name alphabetical order):

“The Young Person’s Account of The Mugging or: I Too Want to Figure Out My Sexuality” by Andres Cordoba
“Apocalyptic Overcooked Potatoes” by Peter Schmit
“Mass Exodus of Conservatives Following Recent Supreme Court Decisions” by Jesse Zhou

2014 Winners

Adult Divison

1st Place

Yaron Kaver, “And the Oscar Goes to Jail”

2nd Place

Melissa Fay Greene, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex But Couldn’t Spell”

3rd Place

Briana Haynie, “NORAD Murray Tracker”

Honorable Mentions

“Postcards from Shakespeare” by Allison Williams
“Archangel Blues” by Josh Dobbin
“Hooked” by Alice Nguyen


Young Authors Division

1st Place

Jane Song, “The PR Campaign”

2nd Place

Melanie York, “The Longest 3 Hours and 28 Minutes in History”

3rd Place

Solomon Martin, “Dragon vs. Mustache”

Honorable Mentions

“The Price of Rug-Knitted Lies” by Charlotte York
“Escaping the Flood: A Detasseler’s Nightmare” by Madeline Pauline Schmit
“Fifty Grades of Shay” by Peter Schmit